


Daydreaming

by lusthees



Category: Cravity (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, M/M, Runaway, ab line american boyz??, because irl parts of it are kinda ghetto lol, in which taeyoung wants commitment but minhee doesn't know what commitment is, romanticizing san francisco
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lusthees/pseuds/lusthees
Summary: Sometimes Taeyoung daydreams and thinks about how happier he would be if he hadn't run away with Minhee and spent the last four years stuck with him.
Relationships: Kang Minhee/Kim Taeyoung
Comments: 9
Kudos: 34





	Daydreaming

When Kim Taeyoung exits the classroom, Kang Minhee is leaning against the wall, standing casually with his jacket draped over his shoulder. 

“Hyung?” he asks, surprised by Minhee’s sudden arrival. “What are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I quit,” the older answers indifferently. 

“What?”

“It’s not for me,” he explains, completely unconcerned with the fact that he was now unemployed. “I realized I don’t want to waste my days cooped up in a cubicle that’s too small, writing bullshit reports for a company I don’t care about, and being chained to a career I don’t enjoy for decades.”

“So, what are you going to do now?” Taeyoung asks, still worried about Minhee’s sudden decision.

“I want to see the world. I want to explore. Which is why I’m leaving for San Francisco tonight.”

Taeyoung feels his heart sink to the ground at Minhee’s unexpected announcement. “Tonight?” he asks sadly. “You’re leaving so soon?”

“Relax, that’s why I stopped by,” laughs Minhee, amused by the younger’s upset reaction. He grabs his coat off of his shoulder and fishes through the front pocket until he finds a folded sheet of paper. He passes it to Taeyoung, who carefully opens it, revealing an itinerary.

“I got you a ticket just in case.”

Taeyoung stares blankly at the itinerary, too confused and too overwhelmed to process the explosion of information. He puts the paper down and looks up to face Minhee, who’s patiently waiting for his response. 

“You can’t expect me to just drop out of university and run away with you!” he argues. 

“I’m not expecting anything,” Minhee answers apathetically. “I’ll be fine regardless of whether you stay or go.”

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay without me?”

“Financially, I can manage on my own; I have enough money saved up, not to mention my recent inheritance,” the older says reassuringly. “But, I figured it’d be lonely, which is why I’m asking you to come with me.”

“I don’t know, hyung. I’d have to think about it.”

“Well, don’t waste too much time thinking. The plane leaves at 9:30 tonight.”

“Would you ever come back to Korea?”

“Probably never. I don’t see any need to come back here when I have the rest of the world to explore.”

“So, I’d likely never see you again?”

“Sheesh, don’t be so depressing about it,” chuckles Minhee as he ruffles the younger’s locks. “Anyway, if you’re planning on coming, I’ll meet you at the airport, alright?” 

Before leaving, Minhee leans in and plants a soft kiss on Taeyoung’s lips. 

“Hopefully, that won’t be our last kiss,” Minhee whispers affectionately. “Hopefully, you’ll make the right choice.”

Later that day, Taeyoung is back at his dorm, sitting quietly at the kitchen table. His eyes dart between the itinerary and the clock. It’s now 4:17 PM, and if he wants to run away with Minhee, he’ll have to leave by 5 to make it to the airport on time.

Realistically, running off to a foreign country would be absolutely _insane_ for Taeyoung, especially when he considers that he hasn’t even graduated university yet. Aside from school, the rest of his life is here in Korea: his friends, his family, his entire livelihood. He wasn’t even sure why Minhee wanted him to get tangled up in his naive daydream of running away. 

At the same time, Minhee was adamant about never returning, which ultimately meant he would never return to see Taeyoung. 

He traces his lips, remembering the way they felt pressed against Minhee’s. 

He can’t live knowing the interaction in the hallway today could quite possibly be the last time he sees Minhee. 

He can’t live knowing that the short peck Minhee gave him could be their final embrace. 

He can’t live without Minhee.

So, Taeyoung packs his things, takes a train to the airport, boards a plane to San Francisco hand-in-hand with Minhee, and leaves everything behind to be with him. 

—

It’s been four years since they arrived in the States. 

After they landed in San Francisco, they immediately cashed in some of Minhee’s inheritance for an apartment. It was less spacious than Minhee would have preferred, but Taeyoung didn’t mind. As long as he got to stay with Minhee, he was content with anything. 

Academics ended up being the least of Taeyoung’s worries when he first moved. His excellent scores and grades made it easy for him to transfer into an American university, and he was able to receive a scholarship at the University of San Francisco. His intellect and admirable work ethic also allowed him to secure multiple internships and networking opportunities. By the time he graduated with a degree in environmental science, Taeyoung already had a job lined up for him at the Academy of Sciences as a research scientist. 

Meanwhile, Minhee, who was sick of the 9-5 routine, decided to pursue blogging. Even though he was jaded by his former career as a copywriter, Minhee still had an itch to continue writing. Blogging seemed to be the perfect cure; it gave Minhee an excuse to go out and marvel at the San Francisco scenery, which gave him plenty of inspiration and material to write about. Minhee would always invite Taeyoung to accompany him. Taeyoung would always make time to tag along with Minhee’s impetuous adventures, smiling wide for the camera and holding up cheesy peace signs whenever the older took another picture for his blog. It didn’t matter how busy Taeyoung was that day; he moved here because he couldn’t live without Minhee, and it would be a waste to _not_ explore every new sight with him. 

Due to his entertainingly witty writing, natural and likable charm, and—as superficial as it was—good looks, Minhee’s blog quickly became viral. Before he knew it, his posts were getting thousands of shares, and his follower count saw the same upward trend as well. Only a year after he started blogging, he was already getting multiple brand deals and sponsorships, and the revenue from his blog was growing exponentially. 

Eventually, both of them were making enough income to move out of their confining apartment and into a luxurious condo. One side of the condo looked out onto the bustling street life of San Francisco. All of the city’s signature pastel-colored houses were lined up together in a row, while tourists and residents alike walked through the gray mist, silently indulging in all the gifts the city had to offer. On the other side, it looked out to the coastline. The wide strip of vivid cobalt blue seemed to stretch endlessly, and Taeyoung never got tired of sitting by the window next to Minhee, resting his head on the latter’s shoulder while watching the sun melt into the ocean’s gentle waves.

San Francisco was a beautiful place, as both of them would come to learn. 

But no matter how beautiful it was, there were still other places Minhee wanted to see. 

Since Minhee’s blog was doing so well, brands were always offering him paid trips to write about, and he would always bring Taeyoung with him. Apart from the sponsored trips, Minhee also had a tendency to impulsively buy plane tickets for two to whatever destination he felt like visiting that day. 

In the meantime, Taeyoung was working hard as a researcher, quickly becoming one of the Academy’s most revered scientists. His reputation granted him multiple research opportunities, with a few of them requiring him to travel internationally. Taeyoung was hesitant at first, but Minhee always insisted he accept every research opportunity and go travel. 

“Besides, it’s good blog content,” Minhee would add teasingly.

Because of their careers, it seemed like Minhee and Taeyoung were always traveling somewhere new, and by the third year, they were spending more time in hotels than their condo. 

Despite how hectic it all was, everything seemed to fall perfectly into place, and Taeyoung didn’t regret his decision to spontaneously leave Korea.

He never really considered marrying Minhee when they first flew out to their new home. But after living and spending every day with him for the past three years, Taeyoung had his heart set on Minhee, and he couldn’t help but daydream about a future with him. He was ready to commit to Minhee and settle down with him. 

But he would quickly learn commitment wasn’t Minhee’s thing.

It was one of those rare, brief moments when the two of them were actually staying in their condo back in San Francisco. They were sitting by the window during the evening, waiting for the orange sun to bleed into the aquamarine waters and scatter its warm light across the Golden Gate Bridge, a view that Taeyoung had missed during their travels.

“What do you think about marriage?” Taeyoung casually asked him. Minhee, who was typing up a new blog post on his laptop, immediately stopped his work and burst into laughter when he heard the younger’s question. His laughter slowly began to falter when he noticed Taeyoung wasn’t laughing alongside him. 

“You’re being serious?” the older questioned, wide-eyed and surprised at Taeyoung’s earnestness. 

“Wouldn’t marriage be nice, hyung?” Taeyoung asked with complete sincerity. “We’ve been living together for three years after all, and we’ve been close since we were teenagers. Isn’t the next logical step to get married?” 

“Do you know how much time and money goes into a wedding?” Minhee argued. “That’s time and money that could be spent on exploring and traveling, not some frivolous and unnecessary celebration of romantic delusions!”

“Since when was money a concern?” Taeyoung asked. “For fuck’s sake hyung, we live in a _condo_ in _San Francisco._ We both know money isn’t an issue.”

“Marriage would just hold me back,” Minhee answered contemptuously. 

“From what?” Taeyoung interrogated. “We already make enough money. Surely you can blog from home, right?”

“Is this not enough for you?” Minhee asked abrasively. 

“What?”

“Are you not satisfied, Taeyoung? You said so yourself; we live in San Francisco in this beautiful condo.”

“What do you mean _live?_ We never even stay here because we’re always traveling!”

“It comes with the job, alright?”

“Your blog did fine before you got all those trips and just wrote about local places!”

“Yeah, well, you were doing fine as a researcher before you started traveling as well.”

“Don’t throw the travel thing back in my face! _You’re_ the one who insisted I accept all those trips.”

“Look, if we’re just going to fight like this, then maybe it’s a sign we shouldn’t get married!” Minhee spits out viciously. 

Taeyoung went quiet at his hyung’s sudden outburst, and a furious Minhee went back to hastily typing on his laptop. The younger turned to face the window and look at the sunset, watching the once pale blue sky dissolve into darkness.

For the next year, Taeyoung keeps quiet and doesn’t bring up the idea of marriage again. 

For the next year, both Minhee and Taeyoung accept offer after offer, always packing and preparing for flight after flight.

For the next year, their days spent at the condo continue to dwindle, and consecutive nights spent in hotel rooms eventually turn into normalcy. 

For the next year, Taeyoung tries convincing himself this is enough. 

But even then, he can’t help but daydream about marrying Minhee, settling down in San Francisco for good, and starting a family with him. 

Sometimes Taeyoung daydreams about something else, but those particular ideations terrify him, so he usually pushes them to the back of his mind. 

One day, they’re strolling around the Palace of Fine Arts, a popular destination for both tourists and residents of the city. 

It’s also a popular destination for wedding photographers.

Across the pond, a happy couple is posing for the camera. 

They seem to be a perfect, picturesque couple, holding each other tight as if they were each other’s life support while the photographer circled around them, capturing images of their intimacy. The fiancés try out a variety of poses, laughing in between takes and continuing to embrace each other tenderly. 

One of the fiancés unexpectedly spins his groom around and dips him before leaning in for a kiss. As he watches them, Taeyoung finds himself craving that same love and affection. 

“Wouldn’t it be nice if that was us?” Taeyoung blurts out, looking at Minhee longingly and squeezing his hand tighter. It’s been almost a year since he last asked after all, so he hopes a year was enough time to change Minhee’s mind.

It isn’t.

“I thought we agreed marriage was a waste of time and money,” snaps Minhee.

“That was a year ago,” Taeyoung says quietly, hurt by Minhee’s reaction. “I just assumed you’d have a different opinion now.”

“And that’s why you don’t make assumptions,” Minhee says coldly as he lets go of Taeyoung’s hand. He picks up his pace to get away from Taeyoung, leaving the younger behind to walk by himself. 

That night, Taeyoung sits by the window by himself and watches the orange sunlight scatter across the sky before fading into a colorless night. Minhee approaches him and wraps his arm around the neck, lightly painting Taeyoung’s neck with kisses. 

He must have felt guilty about the way he acted out earlier because he surprises Taeyoung with two plane tickets to Seattle. 

Minhee knows that going on yet _another_ spontaneously trivial trip was the last thing Taeyoung wanted right now, and the fact that he _still_ purchased tickets and finalized a trip makes the younger want to rip his hair out and throw himself out the window and into the salty ocean. 

But he can’t bring himself to do that. He can’t stay mad at Minhee. 

He can’t live without Minhee. 

So, Taeyoung packs his things, takes a cab to the airport, boards a plane to Seattle hand-in-hand with Minhee, and leaves San Francisco behind to be with him. 

—

“Wow! Isn’t this place so exciting!” Minhee says enthusiastically as the pair walk around Pike’s Place Market. He’s constantly spinning around to capture all of the city’s wonders on his camera, and Taeyoung has to keep grabbing onto him to make sure he’s looking where he’s going. 

“It smells _interesting,_ here,” Taeyoung says, sniffing the air. 

Seattle is nice, but it’s not Taeyoung’s favorite place. It’s weird; Seattle is similar to San Francisco, considering they’re both by the ocean and surrounded by sea breeze and cool mist, but at the same time, it’s eerily unsettling. Something about it makes Taeyoung feel out of place. 

“Smile!” Minhee calls out as he points his camera towards Taeyoung, and the younger snaps out of his thoughts and instinctively goes into his signature peace sign pose. A wide, dimpled grin appears on Minhee’s face as he looks at the preview. “This is _definitely_ going on my blog.”

“You say that about every photo you take of me!” Taeyoung teases, rolling his eyes at his hyung.

“Hey, my blog is supposed to be a catalog of my favorites!” Minhee whines defensively. “You’re my favorite person, and seeing the world with you is my favorite thing to do, so _of course,_ you always end up on my blog.”

For a split second, Taeyoung believes that maybe Minhee _is_ capable of committing, and the idea of marriage isn’t so far-fetched after all. That is until Minhee acts on a whim again and drops an unexpected proposal, and not the kind of proposal Taeyoung has spent the last year daydreaming about.

“Taeyoung, let’s move here to Seattle,” he suggests suddenly, looking at Taeyoung with complete seriousness.

The younger is taken aback by his question. The scene is all too familiar, and suddenly Taeyoung is in university again, walking out of class to find Minhee in the hallway waiting for him with a plane ticket to San Francisco. 

“But our lives are in San Francisco, Minhee!” Taeyoung says sentimentally. “Don’t you love it there?”

“Of course I do!” the older answers wholeheartedly. “But at the same time, there’s so much of the world I haven’t seen, and I’ll never see it if I’m always stuck in San Francisco with you.”

_Stuck._

That’s when Taeyoung realizes he’s been stuck for the past four years. 

Their trip to Seattle is a short one, and the couple only spends the weekend there. But despite their short stay, Minhee won’t shut up about how much he loves it. He keeps rambling on and on about how much happier he would be if he moved there.

“Think about it, Taeyoung!” the older says to him one day, practically jumping off the walls with eager exuberance. “We were only there for two days! We didn’t even get to explore the whole city! Imagine how much of Seattle is left for us to discover. Seattle is practically _screaming_ at us, calling us by our name and telling us to hurry up and unravel all of the city’s best-kept secrets.”

“What about my job at the Academy?”

“I talked to them already, told them that we were considering moving to Seattle, and they said they had connections with some researchers at Burke’s Museum and could get you a job if need be.”

“Y-You—You called the Academy without talking to me first?”

“Well, I knew you’d be anxious about finding work in Seattle, so I wanted to ease any stress you might feel by making sure you already had one lined up!”

Taeyoung shakes his head at him. “Don’t you think you’re being impulsive again? This is so sudden.”

“So was us moving to San Francisco four years ago,” Minhee points out. “And look how well that turned out!”

“Exactly, so what’s wrong with San Francisco?” Taeyoung questions quietly.

“Nothing,” Minhee answers. “San Francisco is _flawless.”_

“It is, isn’t it? Just think about everything we’ve done these past four years,” Taeyoung says nostalgically, reminiscing over the memories they’ve made. “We’ve almost crashed the car at Lombard, devoured countless of clam chowder bread bowls at Pier 39, breathed in the aroma of spring at the Japanese Tea Gardens, fed the goats at the zoo, ran around the Exploratorium like little kids, and watched the bright red hue of the Golden Gate Bridge fade into the night as the sun sets over the ocean. We’ve explored every part of San Francisco and found zero flaws.”

“That’s the thing, Taeyoung,” continues Minhee. “We’ve explored _every_ part of San Francisco now, and there’s nothing left for us to discover. Which is exactly why I want to move to Seattle! Imagine all the adventures awaiting us upon our arrival!”

At this point, Taeyoung stops listening to Minhee. He can feel himself starting to shift out of reality, slowly sinking into his neverending daydreams until he drowns. 

He daydreams about saying no to Minhee’s stupidly senseless suggestion of settling down in Seattle. He daydreams about bringing up the question of marriage again. He daydreams about igniting another fight between the two and storming out of the condo to live on his own.

That particular ideation is replaying in his mind again, and Taeyoung feels terrified once again because no matter how much he daydreams about running away, 

_he can’t live without Minhee._

Two months later, Taeyoung is once again packing his things, once again a cab to the airport, once again boarding a plane to Seattle hand-in-hand with Minhee, and once again leaving San Francisco behind to be with him. 

—

Taeyoung hates Seattle.

He hates Seattle because the air has this pungent mustiness to it.

He hates Seattle because it’s always wet and rainy and gloomy and gray.

He hates Seattle because the skyline is too modern for his liking.

He hates Seattle because he can’t walk down the street without some stoned hipster stopping him and asking if he would like a poem for $10. 

He hates Seattle because it isn’t San Francisco, nor is it Seoul. 

He hates Seattle because the city is another reminder that Minhee is too carefree and too uninhibited and too high on wanderlust to ever consider settling down with him. 

While Taeyoung fantasized about being Minhee’s husband, the latter only saw him as a travel companion, and the revelation makes Taeyoung feel empty and isolated. 

At least Minhee was happy. Now that they were in a new environment, he was always going out, looking for new places and destinations to soak in and write about. Just like back in San Francisco, Minhee invites Taeyoung to every single one of his journeys.

Here in Seattle, Taeyoung declines and stays behind in their apartment, looking out the window to watch the sunset alone. Back in San Francisco, he always found comfort in watching the sunset by the window, but watching it here in Seattle just makes him feel wistful and regretful. He found it funny how it was the exact same sun setting over the exact same horizon, yet, somehow, it wasn’t. 

Sometimes Taeyoung daydreams and thinks about how happier he would be if he hadn't run away with Minhee and spent the last four years stuck with him. 

He would’ve graduated from university in Korea.

He would’ve found a nice paying job back home.

He would’ve been able to see his family every week, instead of relying on ten-minute phone calls or laggy video chats.

He would’ve found someone else, someone who wanted the same things in life as him.

He would’ve found that perfect someone who also daydreamed about the perfect wedding, and eventually, they’d have the perfect marriage, move into their perfect home, and begin to raise the perfect family. 

Everything would have been perfect, _so_ perfect, that Taeyoung wouldn’t have to waste his days zoning off and daydreaming while the sun sets, because all of his fantasies would be real life. 

Most of all, he wouldn’t be stuck with Minhee. 

_“Hopefully, you’ll make the right choice.”_

_It’s not too late to make that choice, is it?_ Taeyoung thinks to himself. _It’s not too late to stop daydreaming, is it?_

Taeyoung knows Minhee. He knows that once he’s explored all of Seattle, Minhee will want to find a new place to discover. 

He can’t live without Minhee, but he also can’t live constantly moving from one place to another to satisfy Minhee’s everlasting wanderlust and constant craving for excursions. 

As difficult as it is, he has to make a choice. 

Later that night, while Minhee is fast asleep, Taeyoung writes a letter to him, explaining in messy cursive that both of them want different things in life, and those differences were only going to divide them further and further until the space between them was too wide to repair. He tucks the letter under Minhee’s hand and leans in to taste his lips one last time. 

_I’m sorry,_

_but this is our last kiss._

Four years ago, Taeyoung packed his things, took a train to the airport, boarded a plane to San Francisco hand-in-hand with Minhee, and left everything behind to be with him. 

Four years later, Taeyoung is packing his things, taking a cab to the airport, boarding a plane back to Korea by himself, and leaving Minhee behind so he wouldn’t be stuck daydreaming.

He’s done daydreaming about what could have been, and it’s time for him to finally live it out. 

It’s sunrise when the plane takes off. Taeyoung watches the hazy, misty clouds melting together like paints glazed on a clear blue canvas. Clusters of yellow, pink, and lavender begin to seep through the sky, disrupting the darkness of the night. Taeyoung realizes right then that he enjoys looking at the sunrise more than the sunset. 

The view of Seattle gets smaller and smaller, and that persistent feeling of being stuck begins to evaporate. 

It’s been a long time coming, but Taeyoung finally feels like he’s made the right choice.

**Author's Note:**

> for cam (@nadeultae) i hope this made you sad xx


End file.
